ixd (invisibledamage) wrote in omgnewsxwhore,

Man Shoves Pencil Up Penis To Stay Hard

oh geez another idiotic story that i just had to post
because it made me laugh
i copied and pasted so don't blame me for grammatical errors. i'm the grammar nazi remember?

We've all been there. You've just been on a hot date and your potential new lover has just invited you up for "coffee". She puts on some music and disapears into the bed room to "slip into something more comfortable".

"Finnaly, I'll be able to use that condom that's been in my wallet since new years eve 2000" you think to yourself as you prepare for a night of hot, passionate sex. "But wait! The beer is taking its toll and John Thomas isn't working. Omg it's going to be like stuffing a marshmellow into a slot machine... what shall I do?"

Last week, Zeljko Tupic came up with a rather drastic solution to his problem and proceded to shove a pencil up his penis to keep it stiff during sex. The man was rushed to the emergency room moments after, requiring imediate surgery to remove the forgien particle.

Zeljko Tupic, of Belgrade, Serbia told doctors that he had been suffering erectile disfuctions in the past. So as he prepared for a night of steamy sex, he shoved a thin pencil up his penis in an attempt to keep it stiff. Things didn't go according to plan, however, as moments into his sex seccion the pencil shifted and peirced (and became lodged in) his bladder, forcing him to call an ambulence.

Dr. Aleksander Milosevic of Zvesdara hospital, who succesfully removed the pencil, said, "At first the patient did not tell my staff what really happened, but X-rays revealed the truth". Tupic, or Pencil Dick as he is now known, told reporters that he had no idea there were such things as Viagra available, but  agreed that he will take pills in the future before taking any more chances with pencils.

"I have never been much of a lover" Mr. Dick admitted. "It all stems from a loss of confidence that I suffered after my first sexual encounter."

"She told me that I was the worst lover she had ever had" a tearfull Tupic recalled. "But how can she jodge me after only three seconds?"

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